And I'm officially overwhelmed again. I'm seriously questioning if this is actually what I want to do. I think I still want to teach, but I don't think high school is the right fit. Maybe I really should be an elementary school teacher, despite my complete 100% resistance to it. Or am I just questioning this because, in fact, I don't have what it takes to be any kind of teacher at all, no matter the grade level.
I don't enjoy teaching psychology. I love the material, but I'm pretty sure I would only enjoy teaching the material to students who give a crap. I don't have that. Well, I might have about five that give a crap. The rest are just disruptive.
And then there's classroom management. I feel like all the forums online and the classes I've taken just talk about "Classroom Management Strategies" without ever giving specifics. "Spend time on classroom management", "Classroom management is key", blah blah blah. I need specifics. And the literature is either heavily focused on elementary classrooms, or the theories are based on the assumptions that my students have any desire to be in school. There's no managing a student who literally sees you as zero. Maybe even less than zero, it's like I'm not in the room. And if you get more than one of those students in the same class, that's the end of any meaningful learning.
Oh and let's talk about learning. I don't feel like I've taught them crap. It's defeating. Trying to explain abstract concepts, or ask tough questions, or get them to think critically on an issue, the response is always the same:
"What's the right answer?"
They literally ask that.
So what do I do? I mean, obviously I'll finish out the year, but what about next year? Am I up for this again? Do I just cut and run and say, well that was an experience. I've learned and I'm over it.
Until I figure this out I just feel overwhelmed and helpless and completely defeated.
