tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-215060532024-03-08T17:39:20.336-06:00So...When Is Dessert?Food. Crafts. Family.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-78077742507877831572015-06-19T11:52:00.000-05:002015-06-19T11:52:28.001-05:00Turning 33...I haven't posted on here in forever. There have been several times during the school year that I felt compelled to write, and then life took over and it didn't happen. This morning I was thinking that maybe if I put my thoughts down somewhere semi-permanent, they would have a better chance of sticking. Basically this is an experiment. We'll see what happens.<br />
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In a few months I'll turn 33. I don't feel old, or scared of getting older. I'm fine with it. However, 33 is a weird age for me. I have known several people who died when they were 33. It's always struck me as odd that all of these people died at the same age. I know it has no real significance, but it makes being 33 feel strange. They didn't get any further than this. <br />
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One of those people was my first piano teacher. He died when I was in third grade. We had just moved to Kentucky, and he died a few months later from pneumonia (he had AIDS, only a handful of people had known). At the time I had no real understanding of how young 33 was. Now it's very real. Another one of those people was my first boyfriend. Anyway, I don't want to focus on their deaths. This morning I started thinking, I should be doing better. I should be trying harder. I often feel lazy, or overwhelmed with so much that it makes me shut down and I don't know where to start. I really just want to feel better, and not spend my year of being 33 dwelling on the people who aren't here anymore. So I'm going to try and set some goals. I'm not good at goals. I often give up and quit early. For example, I'm about reach a milestone in my life: my third year of teaching also marks the longest I've ever had a job. Yeah, you read that right. I've never had a job longer than two years. And I've never been fired, that's by choice. I can't seem to stay anywhere very long. So sad, but true. But it's ok, we're going to try this anyway.<br />
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<b>Goal #1 I want to be more flexible</b><br />
I mean this in every possible way. I want to be more flexible with my time. I love a set schedule. I love a plan, a to-do list, things I can check off. I have anxiety when I am forced to just "go with the flow." But I can appreciate that there are times when a rigid schedule just ruins the fun.<br />
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I want to be more flexible as a parent. Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing Ellie to do things my way and she is an extremely independent (seriously, I think she could live on her own by age 5), intelligent, creative individual. If she can find a solution to something that isn't the same as mine, I need to learn to let it go. I encourage that in my classroom, so why would I shut it down at home? This is especially difficult when she won't sleep (which is often), but I should be able to trust that she knows how to get herself to sleep. I don't always need to intervene.<br />
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I want to actually physically be more flexible. At the beginning of the year, back in January, I did this <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene" target="_blank">30 days of yoga challenge</a> on youtube. I love her channel in general, but I actually only made it to Day 19 (see? I can't finish anything). I guess I could blame it on school starting back up, but really I just got lazy and distracted. I mean, the videos were only 15 minutes long, and Ellie LOVED doing them with me, I had no excuse. I really loved how I felt for those 19 days. My back and my head didn't hurt as much, and I just felt lighter.<br />
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<b>Goal #2 I want to be healthier</b><br />
This is easier for me during the summer. The school year creates stress and chaos and I cave and order pizza too many times. I try to prep on Sundays, but that only happens on the weeks when I feel like I'm ahead of the game. I love to cook, and I would say 90% of our meals are home-cooked. But Ellie is picky and creating one meal that we can all eat is frustrating. We also often eat in front of the TV because I've been talking nonstop to teenagers all day and I don't want to talk anymore. I want to sit and stair mindlessly at a box that will talk to me. (See? Lazy.) However, I know that Ellie eats better when we're at the table, and if I've spent all day away from her I should probably enjoy some conversation over dinner before we begin our evening battle of getting her to fall asleep.<br />
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<b>Goal #3 I want to be more organized</b><br />
I love organizing. I like the process of sorting everything out, figuring out the best arrangement for it all, and then putting it away. The Container Store is my idea of heaven. I can't get enough. But lately I just feel overwhelmed. I spent spring break cleaning out and de-cluttering our entire house: clothes, toys, books, dishes, craft supplies, everything. We refinished the floors in the den and I feel like we've been attempting to put the house back together ever since that project. I don't know if my entire house has been clean since last summer. I get one room clean, and by the time I get the next room clean the first room is a disaster again. Along with the fact that we don't have a dishwasher so I feel like I spend 1/3 of my time standing at the sink. I can't wait to remodel that kitchen, but that's a dollar sign I just don't have right now.<br />
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I want my car to be clean, and I want it to stay clean. I don't know how to do that apparently. <br />
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I want my classroom to be organized. This is an endless battle. I can't seem to stay on top of assignments and grading and returning graded work and having lesson plans actually written any earlier than the day before. And now that I'm teaching AP, I'm a little terrified. I'll also be taking two class each semester to finish my masters, and with theater department responsibilities, I have a feeling next year is going to be a total fail in the organization category.<br />
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<b>Goal #4 I want balance</b><br />
This kind of coincides with Goal #3, how do I balance work and home and grad school? Usually during the school year I feel like either a bad parent or a bad teacher. I never feel like I'm giving anyone 100%. <br />
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And this one may sound weird, but I want physical balance too. Nathan convinced me to try out one of his bikes once maybe last summer. It was awful. Riding a bike used to be carefree and fun. I felt extremely unsure and terrified of falling. I want to be able to fall. I want to be ok with falling. I didn't trust myself or my legs to be able to stay up on that bike or catch me if I fell. I want to be to know that my body can hold me and will catch me if I hit the ground. Right now I just feel weak and out of balance.<br />
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I don't know if that makes sense, but I plan to keep these goals in mind for the year as I turn 33. I will focus on what I <i>can</i> do, instead of dwelling on what those who are gone didn't get to do.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-48385982832581537312015-01-12T13:30:00.003-06:002015-01-12T13:30:40.072-06:00New YearLast semester left a bad taste in my mouth. It involved one of the most challenging group of students I've had to date. They were disruptive, vulgar, combative. I mean, one of them ended up expelled for assault if that tells you anything. I had no desire to come back this semester, but I also wasn't willing to quit. I had to find inspiration somewhere. I decided to incorporate some of my own personal goals into my classroom.<br />
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For myself, I want to be more positive. I find myself often dwelling on the negative, which just feeds more negativity. I don't expect that by focusing on the positive I will become Little Miss Sunshine, but I do hope that it will keep me from drowning self doubt and cynicism. <br />
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For my students, we're going to start a practice of gratitude. Everyday they will begin class by writing in their journal for 5-10 minutes. I will have prompts on the board for those that can't think of anything, but the focus of this journaling will be gratitude. No griping. I have also decided that I'm going to join them in this practice. It is so easy for me to use independent work time to do little chores, grade some papers, answer emails, etc. But I think it would be to my benefit to take a minute at the beginning of class and focus on gratitude. I hope to see a shift in behavior by the end of semester. And I plan to share my journals on this blog.<br />
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For myself, I plan to practice yoga every day, even if it's only for 5 minutes when I first get out of bed. I'm going to give myself time alone to just breathe.<br />
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For my students, we're going to spend one day in our States of Consciousness unit experiencing 20 minutes of guided meditation. They'll probably think it's silly, but they're going to play along.<br />
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For myself, I plan to be more present with my family. It's really easy to get home and just crash, let Ellie play on her own while I stare at the TV, then make dinner and put her to bed. It's all just a routine, I'm just a robot going through the motions. I need to do better, I owe it to them to be present. <br />
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For my students, I will do the same. I will make a better effort to get to know them. I was very insecure about this in previous semesters. It is my nature to be shy, and I was shy about getting to know these kids. They intimidated me, but why should they? I can do better.<br />
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Here's to a new year, with a positive mindset and a healthier outcome.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-31999076244575849662014-11-26T19:09:00.000-06:002014-11-26T19:09:18.909-06:00KeeshawnThis week a student was dropped from my roster. This happens all the time for a variety of reasons: they moved, they transferred to another school in the district, they've been expelled, they dropped out of school all together. This particular student was different. He had already moved this year and started at my school after the first quarter. His first day in my class he seemed on top of things. He was quiet and very polite and did his work. That same week I attended his IEP meeting. I found out he lived with his mom and his cousin, and had been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This surprised me because, as I said, he was so polite and well behaved in my class. I also learned that my class was his favorite because he wanted to go to college to study Psychology. I was hooked. I wanted to do everything in my power to help this kid, and make that happen for him.<br />
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The next week he was suspended for fighting, threatening to bring a gun to school and use it.<br />
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I was shocked and disappointed. I then found out that his records from his previous school finally came, and his diagnosis was being re-evaluated. He was now diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In a lot of ways this made more sense. When he came back after his suspension, he was different. He refused to work. He told me he didn't like my class anymore, or any class for that matter. All he wanted to do was fight. He was going to be a professional boxer. That was his dream now.<br />
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He continued to get in trouble, get suspended, or just miss school. The cousin he moved here to live with could no longer deal with his behavior and his mom was fed up too, so he was moved to foster care. He turned 18 this month, which meant he could now refuse services that came with his IEP and he was free to leave school. Last week I attended another IEP meeting with him. He chose to continue services, but transfer to adult day school where he could finish his credits in a non-traditional setting. This is probably better for him, but it leaves me feeling a bit empty. <br />
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At the same time that all of this is happening, my father-in-law was experiencing a manic episode. In an attempt to relieve his tremors, the doctors had introduced a new medication and lowered the dose of previous medications, which resulted in a manic episode. He was fully aware of the beginning stages of the episode. He asked my husband to watch out for him, be on the look out for manic behavior. <br />
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Within a few days, the symptoms were worse. My husband tried to remind him of his request, but now he just wanted to call it his extra energy. Over the next couple weeks, he's signing up to audit a class, he's not sleeping, planning business presentations, and then the big kicker: he buys two cars. So today my husband and his sister spent almost 12 hours at the hospital going through the ridiculously long process of having him admitted. This is after weeks of daily phone calls, visits and doctors appointments trying to get the right dose of medication. The mania won, they're at the hospital, but the battle isn't over. <br />
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I can't help but think about my student. His mom and cousin couldn't deal with his behavior anymore. They left him. The school system doesn't know how to deal with his disorder. They punished him. He's 18 now. Our country doesn't know how to deal with his disorder. We have quit on him.<br />
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I'm not saying I blame his family. It is not easy to be the one on the receiving end of the behavior, the mood swings, the recklessness. But I realize how lucky my father-in-law is to have family that will sit all day at he hospital. That is love. It is painful, relentless, difficult, unconditionally supportive love. <br />
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What about Keeshawn? Who is going to love him unconditionally? Who is going to support him when he's down? Who is going to monitor him when he's manic? Who is going to take him to the hospital and get him the help he needs? Who is going to sit there all day with him? What will happen to him?<br />
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The reality of his future is too overwhelming to think about. He is a victim of a lack of mental health awareness in this world. We are not equipped to help him, so we just don't. We assume his behavior, his choices, his outbursts were of his own volition, and so we punish him. We punish him for his chemical imbalance. We punish him for being born different.<br />
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On this day of thanksgiving, who will be thankful for Keeshawn? Where will he be? Will he be eating a big meal, surrounded by family members? Will he feel loved? <br />
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He will be in my thoughts, and I hope that he has a happy day, a full meal, and a warm bed.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-10354109883017655812014-06-23T21:39:00.000-05:002014-06-23T21:42:23.230-05:00Tasty Tuesday: Zucchini Linguine<div style="text-align: center;">
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This is actually my version of a recipe my mom used to make (back in the day before Celiac Disease). It's super simple and a really nice, light summer dinner. You could easy add some grilled chicken to this, but I love it just the way it is. My favorite thing is that we are growing all the produce for this recipe in our garden, so if all goes well, I'll be able to make this with my own zucchini, tomatoes and basil! <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Actually I made it with my basil this time, but the rest of our garden isn't ready) </span>I did get the zucchini from a local co-op, along with some super yummy peaches. Trying to to decide if I'll make something with those…or just devour them.</div>
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Anywho, back to the recipe. </div>
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<u style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;">Zucchini Linguine</u> (serves 4-6)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u>Ingredients</u></span></div>
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1-2 tablespoons olive oil</div>
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2-3 zucchini <span style="font-size: x-small;">(or any similar squash)</span>, sliced</div>
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1 pint cherry or grape tomatoes <span style="font-size: x-small;">(you could also use a can of diced tomatoes)</span></div>
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1 pkg linguine <span style="font-size: x-small;">(or just your favorite pasta, but, come on, linguine rhymes)</span></div>
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1/4 cup parmesan cheese (extra if desired)</div>
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1-2 tablespoons fresh basil, chopped (optional)</div>
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1 tsp red pepper flake (optional)</div>
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salt and pepper to taste</div>
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<li>Fill a large pot with water for the pasta and put it on high heat.</li>
<li>When it reaches a rolling boil, drop in the pasta (be sure to move the pasta around several times so it doesn't stick). I do cook the entire package because the leftovers are great for lunch.*</li>
<li>Add the olive oil to a large pan over medium high heat (I use a large nonstick skillet. Whatever you use needs to be large enough to toss the pasta in at the end).</li>
<li>Add your zucchini slices (and your red pepper flake, if you're using it). Usually when I make this recipe I use one zucchini and one yellow squash, but I had three different kinds here, so I used half of each. The amount isn't crucial. If you love zucchini, add more!</li>
<li>Sauté the zucchini for 5-7 minutes. You're not looking to brown them or cook them down a lot, just soften them. </li>
<li>Toss in your tomatoes, and add a ladle full of pasta water. Then place a lid on your veggies and turn the heat down to medium low.</li>
<li>Your pasta is probably ready, so go ahead and drain that, but do not rinse it.</li>
<li>Dump the pasta into the sauté pan, add the parmesan cheese and basil and toss. If it seems dry, add a tablespoon or two of olive oil. I use tongs to toss it together, it's just easier with long pasta.</li>
<li>Serve it up and top with extra cheese!</li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Enjoy!</span></div>
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*Reheats easily in the microwave, but I recommend adding a bit of water to your microwave safe container as this pasta recipe tends to get a little dry.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">-->If you're interested in nutritional information, leave a comment and I can figure that out for you!<-- font=""><!------></--></span></div>
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-36570799149225385082014-06-05T21:12:00.000-05:002014-06-05T21:12:32.841-05:0030 Day Ab Challenge: Day 3 & 4Yesterday was Day 3 on the <a href="http://sowhenisdessert.blogspot.com/2014/06/30-day-ab-challenge-day-1.html" target="_blank">Ab Challenge</a>, so I did 25 sit ups, 10 crunches, 10 leg raises and a 15 second plank. I've noticed that, for me, the sit ups and leg raises are the most challenging. Is anyone else following along? Which parts are you finding most challenging?<br />
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We also took a trip to the zoo yesterday, which involved a lot of walking. Nothing fast paced, since we were frequently stopping to look at animals, but 3 hours on your feet is still burning calories.<br />
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Today was <a href="http://sowhenisdessert.blogspot.com/2014/06/30-day-ab-challenge-day-1.html" target="_blank">Day 4</a>, rest day, so I spent my day working on another project: organizing. Another one of my goals this summer is to get the house more organized so that we can more easily keep it clean. The last few days I've been focusing on clothes. I went through Ellie's clothes, organized and stored her baby clothes and sorted out some to give away. Then I went through the master bedroom closet. I do this pretty regularly, but I still managed to fill three bags to donate. I kept one small bin of clothes that are too small. If they don't fit by this time next year, they're out (including my favorite pants from college). <br />
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Tomorrow I'll be working on the guest/craft room. That room is always a challenge.<br />
<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-17555489743917502652014-06-03T16:00:00.000-05:002014-06-03T21:13:03.605-05:0030 Day Ab Challenge: Day 2<div dir="ltr">
You may have noticed I'm already a day behind on my challenge. </div>
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Yesterday was my last day of school. I spent the day cleaning up my classroom. I wasn't required to clear out my room to the extent that I did. I'll have the same room next year and is not being used for summer school, so I was free to leave posters up and such. However, I want to paint over the summer and just start fresh so I took everything down. <br />
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I didn't work a terribly long day. I was finished by 1:30. I dropped off paperwork at Ellie's school for her summer program. Isn't the playground awesome? She's moving up to a new class and I'm so excited for her. Her best friend from he previous class will be in this new class with her.<br />
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I had big plans to work out when I got home, but I felt awful. Seriously awful. No idea why. So I did nothing. Actually I took a nap. </div>
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So today we're starting back up with <a href="http://sowhenisdessert.blogspot.com/2014/06/30-day-ab-challenge-day-1.html" target="_blank">Day 2</a>. I just finished it (20 sit ups, 8 crunches, 8 leg raises, 12 second plank). Today was busy in general. We finally got the raised beds planted! That was a workout (as was chasing Ellie in the sprinkler). </div>
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I'm considering going to the gym tonight. Ellie didn't nap today, which saves me a struggle at bedtime. I'll either put that energy towards the gym, or a relaxing glass of wine. We shall see.</div>
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UPDATE: I chose wine.</div>
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Back to the Ab Challenge. This is the entire 30 Days:<br />
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So today I'm doing 15 sit ups, 5 crunches, 5 leg raises, 10 second plank.<br />
It seems like a really easy day. I mean, I am really out of shape, but I know I could do more than this. However, I agreed to the challenge, so I'm sticking to the rules.<br />
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We're also going swimming today with my brother, his wife and their daughter so…two toddlers and a pool should be a pretty good workout.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I love nature, but only when it's below 80 (or snowing!)</span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-63477565551455903422014-05-31T23:50:00.001-05:002014-06-01T00:15:32.520-05:00Epic Post: First Year of TeachingI keep thinking I should write, and then can't seem to think of where to start. My big lull in blogging started about this time last year. My grandmother passed away and I wanted to write some meaningful tribute to her, but it was just too overwhelming. The rest of the summer flew by and then I started my Master's program in August. It was only two classes, only two days a week. It was going to take me about 2 years to finish, but life likes to shake things up. Nine weeks into the program, a job opportunity opened up. I interviewed for it thinking it would just be good experience for future position, but I was hired on the spot during the interview. <br />
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I was both ecstatic and terrified. I mean, on the one hand we would finally have two incomes again after over two years living on one. I mean, we had manage, but things would certainly be more comfortable on two incomes. However, going into a high school teaching position with no student teaching experience seemed overwhelming (actually it seemed like way more than overwhelming, but I don't know a word for that…unless there is a word for hyperventilating and frequent nightmares). I mean, I knew this was what I wanted to do and I was excited, but I knew it would be a serious challenge.<br />
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Coming in during the middle of the first semester is rough, especially when the class you teach only lasts one semester. Also, teachers who come in mid school year don't get any kind of orientation to the building, many faculty/staff assume you've done this before and have some understanding of policies, and if you need anything (like desks) you have get it done yourself. I teach at one of the largest schools in the state that has, in the last five years, gone through a lot of change (for the better). I griped on here because there were times that I didn't know how to deal with difficult students, or the demands of taking class at night, teaching during the day, prepping for teaching, and attempting to also have family time. <br />
<br />
I was grateful that we found a Montessori school near my school that Ellie LOVED. I can't even express how much stress it took off me to know that Ellie loved going to school. In fact, my school gets out at 2:05, and if I attempted to pick Ellie up before 3:30, she would cry. She loved it there. She made friends there, and has grown so much (not in size, she's still tiny). She really came out of her shell.<br />
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Second semester was better, but not without its challenges. At one point, around February (a particularly challenging month because it felt like we were all constantly getting sick), I almost called it quits. For several reasons, the worst moment was a turning point. My Assistant Principal was incredibly supportive and understanding, it made me feel like I could keep going. Around that time I also volunteered to go on a field trip as a chaperone, and little did I know that a great friendship would come out of that, as well as validation that I was an effective teacher (if only on a very small scale). I now had more reasons to come to work each day. <br />
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By the end of the semester, I felt more confident in my ability to teach, I finally felt like my classroom was mine. I took ownership of it, started to rearrange and redecorate. I took every ounce of feedback from evaluations to heart and sought out more experienced teachers. I asked questions and kept a journal to figure out what worked and how to improve what didn't work. I no longer felt lost and overwhelmed, I was learning. <br />
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It wasn't always fun, but there were some amazingly rewarding moments. The first semester, I had a student who was intentionally failing. She didn't like me, which she regularly told me. This made me so angry, but after talking to another teacher she gave me great advice. So I finally pulled the student outside to chat. I explained that she needed to swallow her pride and get her work done because I wasn't going to put up with her attitude. She passed my class with a B. Second semester, I had a student whose life was a setup for failure. Honestly, I don't know her whole story (and probably wouldn't share it if I did), but I knew that she had a lot on her plate; enough that would probably send most of us running to a corner crying with a big, fat "I quit." Instead, she was mustering everything she had. She was always extremely engaged in my class. She participated, and it was usually like pulling teeth to get some of these kids to participate. She didn't love me at first, but on her last day she gave me a hug and said, "How do I do what you do?" At first I didn't understand, and then I said, "You mean teach Psychology?" And she said yes. <br />
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We exchanged contact information, and I told her to let me know how her first day of college goes (she's going for free thanks to a new state program, and a lot of hard work on her part).<br />
<br />
I may have teared up when she received her diploma (and I might be a bit misty eyed just talking about her).<br />
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I didn't expect to feel emotional at graduation. I didn't even wear waterproof mascara or bring tissues. I should have. I teach at an inner city school. Some of these kids didn't expect to graduate high school, maybe their parents never did, many are new to this country. Graduating high school never felt like a huge accomplishment to me. College was the challenge. High school was just easy and expected. This was the first high school graduation ceremony I've ever attended that felt important, a genuine sense of accomplishment. They had truly achieve something, and I felt that sense of accomplishment with them. I had finished my first year.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Thank you to all of you who sent supportive and encouraging words during this past year, you helped me believe I could keep going. I truly appreciate all of you!</span></b>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-81332414137614731642014-05-01T21:55:00.001-05:002014-05-01T21:55:21.598-05:00I probably should have put this up awhile ago:<br />
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-60372942672482371682014-02-11T11:12:00.001-06:002014-02-11T11:12:19.404-06:00This is familiarAnd I'm officially overwhelmed again. I'm seriously questioning if this is actually what I want to do. I think I still want to teach, but I don't think high school is the right fit. Maybe I really should be an elementary school teacher, despite my complete 100% resistance to it. Or am I just questioning this because, in fact, I don't have what it takes to be any kind of teacher at all, no matter the grade level. <br />
<br />
I don't enjoy teaching psychology. I love the material, but I'm pretty sure I would only enjoy teaching the material to students who give a crap. I don't have that. Well, I might have about five that give a crap. The rest are just disruptive.<br />
<br />
And then there's classroom management. I feel like all the forums online and the classes I've taken just talk about "Classroom Management Strategies" without ever giving specifics. "Spend time on classroom management", "Classroom management is key", blah blah blah. I need specifics. And the literature is either heavily focused on elementary classrooms, or the theories are based on the assumptions that my students have any desire to be in school. There's no managing a student who literally sees you as zero. Maybe even less than zero, it's like I'm not in the room. And if you get more than one of those students in the same class, that's the end of any meaningful learning.<br />
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Oh and let's talk about learning. I don't feel like I've taught them crap. It's defeating. Trying to explain abstract concepts, or ask tough questions, or get them to think critically on an issue, the response is always the same:<br />
"What's the right answer?"<br />
<br />
They literally ask that.<br />
<br />
So what do I do? I mean, obviously I'll finish out the year, but what about next year? Am I up for this again? Do I just cut and run and say, well that was an experience. I've learned and I'm over it.<br />
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Until I figure this out I just feel overwhelmed and helpless and completely defeated.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-67879076210259048832014-01-26T19:43:00.001-06:002014-01-26T22:37:29.816-06:00Random thoughts for the day...I realized recently that I'm way cooler than I let myself be in high school. <br />
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Right about now you're probably thinking, "Wow. Modest much?"or "Duh! No one's cool in high school!" But hear me out.<br />
<br />
I was very shy and insecure in high school. There were plenty of things I wanted to do that I just never had the guts to do. I was really involved in speech and drama, but mostly behind the scenes. If I got a part it was minuscule, and while I was ecstatic to have the part, it also created a sense of sheer panic. That insecurity made it easier to hide behind other people. Not in a debilitating way, but in a way that shaped my taste in music, or clothing, or hobbies. I usually felt comfortable being around my friends, around what felt familiar. If they liked a certain band, sure, so did I. If they loved horrible B horror movies from the 70's, sure, why not? To some extent, this continued through college.<br />
<br />
But at some point in my twenties, something clicked. I started to realize what I liked, and I was ok with it. I was comfortable with it. I could do things, new things, on my own, and it didn't send me into a panic. After I had Ellie, even more of those old insecurities went out the window. I was comfortable with me. <br />
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I realize this is all a work in progress, and when I think back I'm actually grateful for the time I spent following. If I had been stubbornly set in my ways, and my habits, and my preferences, I wouldn't have discovered music I still love today, I wouldn't have learned that I'm terrible at first person shooter video games, or that I hate B horror movies from the 1970s (or all horror movies for that matter…much to my husband's dismay).<br />
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I see Ellie, and all her shyness, and sometimes I worry that she'll go through school as timid and insecure as I did. While I came out with a few positives, it took me until my late 20's to find my confidence. I'm hoping she gets there a little faster.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-21187971201506920482014-01-22T20:15:00.001-06:002014-01-22T20:15:26.659-06:00I think I need to vent...Ok, so the meetings have started, I'm giving a quiz next week, the kids have a group project assigned. This semester is in full swing. <br />
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…And I'm already stressed. I'm already overwhelmed. <br />
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It started in a meeting. We were asked to turn in our unit plans/lesson plans for the semester. Seriously? I'm still writing them. This semester is different than last because I get to start from the beginning, teach the whole curriculum, instead of picking up where the last guy left off. I'm excited about that, but I'm still writing. I hadn't even figured out what each unit would be, let alone complied a <i>semester's</i> worth of lesson plans. What?<br />
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Oh, and they're needed so that our evaluations can be scheduled. Fabulous. <br />
<br />
Last semester I got evaluated after just two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks of teaching. Ever. No student teaching under my belt. No finished master's degree, tons of practicum hours, no. Two weeks of what-the-hell-did-I-sign-up-for, complete and total insanity. I was still trying to figure out which office I was supposed to call for which issue (we have five offices), or which Academy I was in, or whose team I was on. Meetings? Am I supposed to go to meetings? How do I know? No one emails me. No one knows my name yet. I literally knew two people in the whole building (a building of 2400 students, another 200+ teachers, and countless administrative and support staff). Yet, I was about to get evaluated. Luckily I have an amazing Vice Principal who sat me down and explained the process, explained the rubric, it was all very helpful. I was proud of myself when I came out of it all with a decent score. Nothing to write home about, but decent for two weeks on the job. <br />
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Somehow this second round feels worse. I feel panicked about it. I feel nervous. She's expecting improvement, and rightfully so, but I just don't feel prepared.<br />
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And new things keep coming up. I'm not asking for special treatment because I'm new, but I almost want to send out a disclaimer:<br />
<br />
"I'm new. If you email me, understand that I probably have no idea what you're talking about. Explain it to me like I'm 5. Do not use acronyms. Thank you."Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-50176506660644150992014-01-07T16:39:00.000-06:002014-01-07T16:39:00.693-06:00Ready, Set, …No, Not YetWe were supposed to start school today. We were supposed to have our "no students" day Monday, and then school would start back today. The weather postponed that, which was fine with me. I wasn't ready to go back. So today was our inservice day, and tomorrow students would start back. <br />
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I spent the day working really hard in my classroom. I got organized, better than last semester. I have a better understanding of the expectations I should have of my students and how I should arrange my bulletin board to show course goals and state standards (and student work, eventually). I replenished supplies, and I planned some lessons. I worked, without slacking off at all (honestly!), from 8:30 until 3:00. I went in this morning not looking forward to this semester at all, and when I left I was excited. My room was organized, and I had a good plan in place. I was really starting to feel like my classroom looked a bit "lived in." I was actually looking forward to tomorrow.<br />
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I picked Ellie up from preschool. We get home, get settled, and I get a phone call. <br />
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No school tomorrow. <br />
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By the time we get to Thursday, I'll have lost my excitement about going back to work. Guess I'll just have to think about my pretty bulletin board, and my new clipboard system. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Wow…I get excited about the weirdest things.</span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-64530438457055637082014-01-06T22:31:00.001-06:002014-01-06T22:31:10.167-06:00a little cleaning, and a few memoriesToday was Ellie's first day back to school. I was actually a little sad about it. I stayed home with her for 2 1/2 years, and even though she loves preschool and I'm really excited she is in preschool, having a two week break made me nostalgic for our time home together. <br />
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While she was gone, I used the time to clean out her closet. I sorted her clothes, donating some of the items that are too small, and putting others in storage. This didn't help. It's so strange going through her clothes, knowing she'll never wear them again. It's like boxing up a chapter of her life. I realize that might sound really sad and I'm being melodramatic. I love watching her grow up, it's exciting, and she is amazing, and every new achievement makes me so proud of her. I love the songs she makes up, her shocking grasp on sarcasm, and the new concept of making up games that she has recently discovered.<br />
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But there is still a part of me that misses baby Ellie. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I know I go back to work this week, which means I won't get a full day of Ellie time. I also wonder if this is my mind telling me I'm ready for the next baby. I've gone back and forth about the timing of the next one for a long time. I know we'll have another, I just didn't feel ready. <br />
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Ellie is ready. She came home from preschool one day talking about her brother. Brother? After asking a little more, I find out she has just decided one of her classmates is her brother. She knows other kids have sisters and brothers, and I guess she was just playing along.<br />
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Despite my nostalgia, I did get Ellie's clothes put away. I also managed to get the new curtain rods put up in the master bedroom. No more wimpy, cheap, bowing curtain rods for us! Our room is starting to look like grown ups live there.<br />
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I also tried to put towel bars up in the bathroom. I got 2 out of 3 finished, and then stripped the last two screws. Seriously? The last two? I was so close! I had to walk away from that. There was no fixing it today. <br />
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Tomorrow I go back to work, but it's an inservice day so no students. I'm a little excited to get back to my classroom and set up for the last half of the year. Thanks to the weather for a short week!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-38571694057885413242014-01-05T22:05:00.002-06:002014-01-05T22:05:25.937-06:00Also...If you're interested in psychology, I have started a blog (yes, another one). It might have some very random and interesting topics, since the topics are often by student request. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
http://mcgpsych.wordpress.comLisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-71883797667385396082014-01-05T21:57:00.001-06:002014-01-05T21:57:22.154-06:00A New YearI survived my first semester (9 weeks) teaching. We were supposed to start back tomorrow, but thanks to the weather that has been delayed. I used my extra day to prep a little more for the week ahead. I made mason jar salads for lunches this week. Part of an attempt to 1. eat healthy and 2. actually eat lunch while at work.<br />
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The first week of break was of course spent with family celebrating Christmas. I was excited that I actually got all my handmade Christmas gifts finished (almost) in time. There were some unexpected setbacks in the form of an awful stomach bug, so my mom's slippers didn't get done. She's coming to visit soon, though, so she'll still get them. <br />
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The second week of break has been spent frantically cleaning and organizing. I had a lot of ambition for this house, but it was only one week. I got the bathroom closet done. Whatever, I'll take what I can get. It was awful, and now it's better. <br />
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I am determined to be more organized this semester so that I don't become overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted. In order to do that I have set some goals. I don't want to call them New Year's Resolutions, but I suppose that's what they are:<br />
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1. Clean and Organize the house. This way a clean house will be easier to maintain, and I won't spend my days off digging us out of the piles of crap collected throughout the week.<br />
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2. Eat Better. First, I have to eat, period. When I get stressed I forget to eat…until 2 am and then I eat junk. I plan to shop over the weekend and prep Sunday so that healthy grab-and-go food is at my disposal. <br />
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3. Exercise. I do need to lose weight, I have for awhile, but aside from that I think this would help my stress level. I know it would. I struggle to justify the time for exercise, especially when I'm overwhelmed, but I just have to make it happen. We own an elliptical machine and I've been to enough yoga classes to do something on my own. I really have no excuses.<br />
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4. Craft. I managed to knit quite a bit this past semester and it really helped. It's very relaxing, and I want to keep going.<br />
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5. Write. Everyday for the first year we had Ellie I wrote in a journal. I have felt guilty every day since her first birthday because I stopped writing, primarily because that summer I took care of her and a friend's little boy, six weeks younger than Ellie. It was like having twins. I was exhausted, and the last thing I wanted to do was write. I never started again. This year will be different. I'm going to write as often as I can, maybe even daily, on this blog. It might be about my day at work, or something hilarious that Ellie did, my latest knitting project, or how I've been craving cheesecake for three days, but I'm resisting because it's bad for me (true story). Whatever is going on, I'm going to write. If you're reading, I hope you enjoy.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-10893411407969494612013-11-16T15:35:00.001-06:002013-11-16T15:35:09.438-06:00So TiredI'm not sure how long I can keep up this schedule. I've been deliriously tired for several weeks, but this week was definitely the worst. I think it's catching up and I know I won't last much longer at this pace. My typical day:<br />
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<b>5:30 am</b> Wake up, rush to get ready and out the door by 5:50 or 6:00.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Technically if I leave at 6:00am I have a chance of being late (traffic), so my goal is to leave at 5:45am. Which also means I was supposed to wake up earlier than 5:30am, but since I never get to bed before midnight it's impossible to want to get out of bed when you've only have 4-5 hours of sleep.</span><br />
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<b>6:30 am</b> Rush to get things ready for class (make copies, make sure any technology stuff is actually<br />
working, etc.)<br />
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<b>7:00-12:00</b> on A-days I am teaching, then I have a planning period. On B-days my planning period is in the middle of the day. By the time I get to my planning period my desk is a disaster and I end up spending my planning period trying to reorganize, grade papers, and (best case scenario) plan for the next day.<br />
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<b>2:05pm</b> School gets out. Ellie goes to daycare two minutes from my school, and I have to pick her up by 3:30 or else we have to pay extra for after school care. So I use this hour after school to grade papers and plan. But I'm also exhausted so it's incredibly hard to focus. <br />
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Oh and did I mention that in my rush to get out the door in the morning I never remember to bring my lunch, or coffee (unless Nick happens to be awake and makes it for me) or even a bottle of water. So by the end of the school day I'm starving and exhausted. I have tried to prep everything so it's easy to pack a lunch. And I've tried packing it the night before, but, again, this week was particularly hectic.<br />
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<b>3:30pm</b> I pick up Ellie and go home. Except for Tuesdays (when I have my graduate classes), Nick is at work. So I play with Ellie, make dinner, give her a bath and put her to bed.<br />
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<b>8:00pm</b> By this point Ellie is in bed, but may not be asleep. From 8pm-midnight I am working on either papers/reading for my graduate classes or I am frantically trying to write lesson plans for the next day. I'm finding it extremely difficult to come up with lesson plans that are actually engaging, and last for 90 minutes.<br />
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It's currently 3pm on a Saturday and, if left to my own devices, I would be asleep right now. I would have stayed asleep all day. I realize I could get someone to babysit Ellie and get a bunch of work done, but I don't think that's fair. I barely get to see her all week and now my job and my graduate classes are depriving me of weekend time with her. And I realize there is a holiday coming up soon, and that after Thanksgiving there won't be that many weeks before the semester is over. That should be comforting, except it's not. I have no idea if my students are really grasping what I'm trying to teach. I constantly ask if they need me to clarify something and no one ever says anything. So if they're confused, they aren't telling me. Their work is a mixed bag. Some of these kids are really bright and some have turned in complete crap and don't even care that they'll get a bad grade.<br />
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On top of this, next semester I get an entirely new set of students. On one hand that's great because I get a fresh start with them. However, I don't know that I can use a single lesson plan I wrote for this semester. I wrote them in such a rush, and I don't think they're very good. Plus, I didn't get to cover very much material this semester, and next semester I have to cover as much as possible. So my Christmas Break isn't a break at all. My Thanksgiving Break isn't a break either. <br />
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And it's not just the work for my job, it's the work for my graduate classes. I have a research paper that was due last week that I still haven't finished, and I have two more that are due this week. I have literally no idea when I will find the time to do them. And it isn't just a matter of time, it's a matter of being able to clear my mind enough to focus and write something that makes even the slightest sense. I'm at that desperate point where I don't care what the grade is, I just need to turn something in so I can check it off my list.<br />
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I can't keep up this pace. Everything about this job and this level of stress makes me want to just retreat back to my house and never come out. I just want to sleep. But instead I get to make another pot of coffee and write a paper tonight. Then tomorrow I get to make countless more pots of coffee and write lesson plans. Then on Monday I get to start my morning and my week with my worst behaved class. I need there to be a light at the end of the tunnel, but right now I can't see it.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-53163278181665965042013-08-23T03:00:00.000-05:002013-08-23T03:00:08.479-05:00FO Friday: I made up a pattern!<b>**Disclaimer** Just so the grandparents/family/friends don't get confused: I am not pregnant. This is not an announcement of any kind. This was made as a gift. Again, I repeat, Ellie is not going to be a big sis</b><b>, at this time. Thank you.</b><br />
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Ok, now that that is out of the way. I made up a pattern! I mean, it's a hat, so it's not like it was anything complicated, like a sweater or anything. Basically I made a rectangle, folded it and sewed the edges. But I did have to plan out the lettering, which turned out to be a learning experience. I started with the pink hat and I ended up having to do it twice because I didn't like the way the letters turned out the first time. <br />
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I made these hats for a friend of mine who is having her second baby. I wanted to include her daughter in the gift in some way, and I knew I wanted to knit something. Since the baby is due in the fall, I figured a hat would be perfect, and why not add a hat for the big sis so she can let everyone at school know about her little brother (although I'm sure she'll tell everyone she sees, hat or no hat).<br />
It was easy to choose the colors, as they were from the yarn I recently inherited from my grandma's yarn stash. So there is a little bit of grandma knitted into these hats as well. <br />
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<u>Construction:</u><br />
I can't remember exactly what I cast on for each hat, but I think it was something like 28 for the newborn hat and 38 for the big hat.<br />
Then I knit approximately one inch of 2 x 2 ribbing.<br />
Purl one row.<br />
Stockinette stitch, adding in the lettering (although you could add any design you wanted, it is a big blank square).*<br />
I did about 50 rows of stockinette for the newborn hat and about 80 row for the pink hat.<br />
Purl one row.<br />
Another inch of 2 x 2 ribbing.<br />
Cast off.<br />
Sew the side seems, and add a pompoms or tassels to the top corners to finish the hat.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I do have my chart for the lettering if anyone is interested.</span><br />
<b><br /></b>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-74553823262812815952013-08-21T13:05:00.000-05:002013-08-21T13:05:31.549-05:00Snacky Snack: Popsicles<div style="text-align: center;">
My mom and oldest nephew were visiting a few weeks ago. We decided to do Nashville specific things, which was fun because Ellie and I don't venture into the city that often. First we visited <a href="http://www.nashville.gov/Parks-and-Recreation/Parthenon.aspx" target="_blank">The Parthenon</a>. </div>
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By the giant doors</div>
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James showing how thick the doors are. Rub the lion nose for luck!</div>
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The Goddess Athena</div>
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I had been there before with Nick when I was (very) pregnant. It's one of those touristy spots in Nashville that you really should take the time to visit. It's an inexpensive self-guided walking tour, and it's set in the middle of beautiful Centennial Park. You could visit the Parthenon and then have a picnic and feed the ducks!</div>
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After taking in the views of a gigantic golden Goddess Athena, we needed a snack. I knew the perfect spot: <a href="http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/47/510992/restaurant/Melrose/Las-Paletas-Gourmet-Popsicles-Nashville" target="_blank">Las Paletas</a>! Gourmet popsicles? Absolutely! </div>
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Ellie had peach, James had strawberry kiwi and mom had butter pecan. </div>
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I think it might have even been Ellie's first popsicle. </div>
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Well, she was hooked, and nearly finished the whole thing!</div>
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I realized, I could totally make these at home! Well, maybe not quite Las Paletas quality, but still yummy popsicles that are healthier than store bought. My mom always made popsicles when we were growing up. She would fill little dixie cups and put popsicle sticks in them. When you were ready to eat one, you just peeled the paper off! I didn't have any dixie cups, but I had several ice cube trays. I thought that might be the perfect size for a little popsicle snack. I also didn't have popsicle sticks, but I had straws! I just cut my straws in half and they were perfect! </div>
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<u>To Make the Popsicles</u></div>
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You'll need:</div>
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One can peaches*</div>
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6 oz container of greek yogurt</div>
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Directions:</div>
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<ol>
<li>Drain and rinse the peaches.</li>
<li>Place peaches and yogurt in a blender or food processor.</li>
<li>Blend until completely pureed.</li>
<li>Pour into ice cube trays or popsicle molds, if you have them.</li>
<li>Place popsicle sticks in the middle (or cut straws in half to use as sticks!).</li>
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*You don't have to use canned peaches, or even peaches. You can use frozen, fresh and any mix you want! This was so simple and I love how versatile it is. I also have canned mandarin oranges. I think I might try those with some yogurt next, kind of like a dreamsicle! And I was thinking, since it's sometimes difficult to get Ellie to eat veggies, I could mix up a green smoothie and turn it into popsicles too! Of course there is always the true dessert version: frozen chocolate pudding.</div>
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-24072796867834278132013-08-18T18:23:00.002-05:002013-08-18T18:23:35.351-05:00Ramblings: Potty Training<div style="text-align: center;">
I may have <a href="http://sowhenisdessert.blogspot.com/2013/05/ramblings-toddlers.html" target="_blank">mentioned</a> in the past how much I was dreading potty training. </div>
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Well I can't officially declare Ellie potty trained, but we're fantastically close! </div>
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We tried the "Kool-Aid Method", which is what my mother-in-law did with her kids. </div>
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Basically you let them have a big cup of Kool-Aid and you hang out in the bathroom, read books, until they go potty. It's more of a get-them-acquainted-with-the-potty-chair system, than a long-term plan. I tried it when Ellie was interested in the potty, but wasn't quite aware of when she had to go. I figured a little Kool-Aid couldn't hurt, but I was secretly hoping it wouldn't work. I wasn't super excited about the idea of filling Ellie with sugar water. </div>
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Well, it turns out Ellie doesn't like Kool-Aid. </div>
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She seemed into it at first, but after about four sips, she was done and asked for water. </div>
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I was okay with that, less sugar means a better bedtime for me!</div>
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When Ellie got really into the idea of sitting on the potty, I made her a Potty Chart. I just bought a poster board, a bunch of stickers, and made a grid. This kid is obsessed with stickers, so I thought it would work as a reward. </div>
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At the beginning our system was:</div>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: left;">Sit on the potty = 1 sticker (even if she didn't do anything)*</li>
<li style="text-align: left;">Pee on the potty = 2 stickers</li>
<li style="text-align: left;">Poop on the potty = 3 stickers**</li>
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I was hopeful that by the time we filled up the chart she would be potty trained, </div>
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but I wasn't counting on it. </div>
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Well, the chart is full and we're so close! </div>
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I am really glad we didn't have to resort to candy. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Although I would have done it, if it came down to it. </span></div>
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Now I have to dig out some of Ellie's old clothes </div>
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because without a diaper she's back to 12 month size pants...</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Once she got accustomed to sitting on the potty, she no longer received a sticker unless she actually went to the bathroom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">**She still has yet to poop on the potty.</span></div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-9598261053533843902013-08-11T13:08:00.000-05:002013-08-11T13:08:18.082-05:00Ramblings: Hilarious Misbehaving<div style="text-align: center;">
So last night bedtime was difficult. </div>
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I'm not sure what it was, but Ellie was just <u>not</u> interested in staying in bed. I was trying really hard to stick with our "silently walk her back to bed" routine, but I was losing patience. Nick was working late, so I was fighting this bedtime battle on my own. </div>
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I needed a mommy break, so I put the baby gate up. She could still open her door, but she couldn't leave her room. I explained to her that big girls stay in bed at bedtime. Until she learned to be a big girl and stay in bed, the baby gate was going to have to stay up.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(For the record, I took it down after she fell asleep.)</span></div>
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When Nick got home at 11:00pm, Ellie was <i>still</i> awake.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Still</span>.</b> </div>
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I was doing my best to ignore her constant requests for </div>
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a snack, or a drink, or a different book, or a new toy. She had eaten a good dinner, she had a drink before bed (at 8:30pm). She was fine, just trying her hardest to stay awake. </div>
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She also has a new tactic where she says she pooped and she needs a new diaper. This is usually not true, but every now and then she has in fact pooped. </div>
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Around 11:45pm she kept saying, </div>
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"Need diaper. Need diaper. Need diaper." </div>
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Unrelenting. I figured if she is this insistent it must be true, so I went to check. </div>
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Remember, it's dark. She's standing in the doorway. I go to pick her up and put her in bed. </div>
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<u>She's naked</u>.</div>
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She's not dirty, or wet, or anything, just naked. </div>
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I was so confused, I turn the lamp on and look around. </div>
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She has stripped, thrown her clothes and diaper over the gate and into the hallway. It took everything I had to not laugh at that moment. I held it in, got her dressed and told her to go to sleep <span style="font-size: x-small;">(which she <i>finally</i> did about ten minutes later!)</span>. Then I go back to the den to tell Nick what happened. </div>
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I have never laughed so hard in my life.</div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-1276833149610043922013-08-09T14:16:00.001-05:002013-08-09T14:16:21.986-05:00Ramblings: A New GoalSome day I'm going to figure out how to contribute to this blog on a regular basis. I opened the Etsy shop and somewhere between my toddler and my messing craft room, lost all motivation to make anything for it. <br />
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I have this problem when there is something looming on the horizon I am constantly distracted by it. It could be something as little as a playdate in a few days or as big as planning Ellie's birthday party. Back in May, I had no idea what we were going to do in June because I was so consumed with Ellie's party. Well, in two weeks I start graduate school. I feel frozen in time. <br />
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In my head I'm making lists and figuring out the timing of my classes and dropping Ellie off at her Nana's and what am I going to wear because none of my clothes fit or look nice enough. But my house is a mess and I'm so distracted from what's going to happen in two weeks that I've completely neglected all my knitting and sewing projects.<br />
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On top of this, I feel like a bad parent. I usually have some small level of parental guilt hanging around, but this week is very specific. When Ellie was little, for the whole first year of her life I kept a journal. I wrote in it nearly every day. I also managed to completely fill out her two baby books. Pictures, journaling, the whole deal. Well, since her first birthday, I haven't written a word in a journal. I hate it because she has said and done so many adorable, hilarious, amazing things, and I didn't write any of them down. It's not like I can go back and try to remember them all, and that makes me sad. I think I might start making a habit of writing them all on here. Maybe this will become my new Ellie journal. I'm not sure, though, because I loved having the hand written copy. My mom always made a big deal about having things with a person's handwriting. When that person is gone, having something in their handwriting can be really special, it shows a lot about who they were. My grandma made lists, my mom kept journals for all her daycare kids, I have handwritten recipes and notes in really old photo albums. <br />
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Starting school is going to be a big change in itself, but I want to make a goal to write more about Ellie, whether it's on here or in her own journal. And maybe with everything that will be happening, I'll feel like I have more to write about. Staying home can get monotonous, and maybe I ran out of things to say and inspiration to craft. These next two years are going to be stressful (but hopefully fun too!) and maybe writing will help keep things in perspective.<br />
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(Yes, this was just me rambling. I didn't really have a point, nothing special to take away from this. Just thinking while Ellie naps.)Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-32082809283306101202013-06-21T03:00:00.000-05:002013-06-21T03:00:01.760-05:00FO: The Etsy Shop!I did it. I opened an Etsy shop. And, to my own astonishment, I made my first sale the same day I opened the shop! Didn't see that one coming, but it was certainly encouraging.<br />
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If you are in need of baby and/or toddler clothing and/or accessories, please stop <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/DirtyMess" target="_blank">by</a>! If you aren't in need of those things, you can show your support by liking the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DirtyMessCrafts" target="_blank">shop's Facebook page</a>!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-56494405014701094832013-06-20T21:37:00.001-05:002013-06-20T21:37:20.033-05:00Cold Black CoffeeI found this in my list of unpublished blog posts. I originally wrote it in a notebook several years ago. It's funny that I had been struggling to write something about Grandma. It was here all along. <br />
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"There are two chairs on either side of the fireplace in my grandparents' living room. On one side is Grandpa's over-stuffed recliner with its worn out springs from all the years of use. This spot was always designated for Grandpa's chair, although the chair itself changed throughout the years. Once a chair was worn, the leather cracking or the upholstery fading, Grandma would banish it to the basement where it resided next to a nearly identical fireplace in the TV room. Upstairs a brand new replacement chair would appear and Grandpa would settle into the first nap of many in order to break in this new chair. <br />
On the other side of the fireplace sat Grandma's armchair, which was always a little stiffer. Grandma didn't sit down often. She always had a cup of coffee set on a coaster on the hearth next to her chair. It was always in the same tan and brown mug, although for a brief time she switched to an over-sized pink polka dot mug that we bought her. She would brew the coffee fresh in the morning, but after pouring her cup, would inevitably busy herself with some household chore or meal to prepare, thus leaving the forgotten coffee to cool on the counter. <br />
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Eventually it would be time for a break. After searching for a few minutes, Grandma would remember where she left her coffee, reheat it in the microwave until it was scorching, and relax with mug in hand in her armchair. Grandma drank her coffee black, no nonsense, no need to gussy it up with cream and sugar. It was a simple, hot beverage that served its purpose: to warm you up and keep you going. <br />
As children we loved to sit and cuddle in Grandma's lap, it was the coveted best seat in the house. If you were in Grandma's lap, you had her undivided attention and nothing short of kitchen disaster could take her away from you. Grandma would make sure to move the hot beverage to its home on the coaster so as not to spill it on us, and we would climb into her lap. This is where I tasted my first cup of coffee.<br />
I do not remember all the details, but I'm sure it was the desire to drink this magical drink that was only for adults that lead me to request a taste. Grandma was sure I would not like it, and insisted that I must wait for it to cool first. Patience is a trying circumstance for a child.<br />
The liquid was cold and bitter. Grandma was right, I didn't like it, but I drank it anyway. It made me feel like a grown up. Perhaps if I could just will myself to drink it, I might "learn to like it" as I'd often been told of certain foods on my dinner plate. Perhaps, if I could learn to like this cold bitter drink, I would <span style="font-style: italic;">be </span>an adult and do all the thing I couldn't as a child! Alas, it was not true, but how was I to know? To this day, I will happily drink the cold coffee after the pot has cooled. It takes me back to my childhood, to Grandma's lap, where, for a time, this simple morning cup of joe was magical."<br />
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<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21506053.post-23152638176832139162013-06-17T19:54:00.000-05:002013-06-17T19:54:03.140-05:00RebootI took my blog down for awhile. At first I just felt too tired. Having a toddler is exhausting (some of you might already know that) and trying to come up with interesting, witty blog posts was, quite frankly, last on my priority list. By the end of a day of tantrums, time-outs and refusing to eat (and don't even get me started on what Ellie did), all I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV with a giant bowl of ice cream and let my brain go numb.<br />
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Then, my grandma died. I had several half-written blog posts in my head about how wonderful it was to grow up knowing my grandparents so well, how much she taught me, how lucky we were that she got to meet so many of her great-grandchildren, and how I didn't realize how alike we were until she was gone. But I could never get the words to come out right. There really weren't any words that could do it justice. So I just took the blog down.<br />
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I took it off my list.<br />
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I stopped trying to force it.<br />
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And things started to get better. I decided to finish projects that had been in limbo forever. I finished the gift for my cousin's baby, I sewed Ellie's pillowcase dress, and I opened the Etsy shop. <br />
I still feel exhausted at the end of a tantrum-filled day, but they aren't all bad. Ellie is at a really fun age and, inbetween the Terrible Twos, she's a little sponge that can't wait to discover new things. I'm finding all of my little projects extremely cathartic (and maybe a tad healthier than that bowl of ice cream).<br />
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<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13537396891796478244noreply@blogger.com0